The Light Side

Fascinating Totalhood

By Marimaebell Dimwiddie

Are you miserable, wretched, unhappy? Do you fume and fret over life's little difficulties? Do you ever find yourself out of sorts and irritated? Are wrinkles of vexation blighting your once-perfect, mask-like countenance? You may point your finger at the rising cost of food, pollution, the kitty having accidents on the rug or your inability to find a pencil with an eraser as the cause of your distress, but those aren't the reasons,

My dear, it is not those external, meaningless things that are turning you into the embittered, foultempered hag you undoubtedly are. You blame the world for your troubles when the source of your woe is in your own little head. It is a sad fact that today too many women are losing that precious, pink bundle of fluff, that mysterious, magical essence called Femininity. Sadder still is that this is causing not only your.personal ruin, but crime in the streets, drug addiction, Arab oil cartels and the imminent destruction of the world by the forces of godless atheism. All of this is happening because you have blithely tossed away your God-given right to be that pretty, curlyheaded, gurgling little fool, that round-eyed, vapid twit that men love so much.

Today, girls, it is not so much your right to be these things that is so important, but your duty! The future of the state, of society, of the multi-national corporations depend on your immediate retreat to the kitchen and boudoir. You will obey!

Now, dears, don't get the idea that swathing yourself in the soft, gauzy wrap of Fascinating Totalhood does not pay other dividends too. To be totally feminine, which is to be totally pure, passive, pristine, obedient and childlike, is not only the most

important goal towards which a woman should aspire, but it is also fun........It will make you a better God-fearing Christian, too. I'm not sure it will make you a better Jew or Unitarian, but those people are all Communists anyway.

The first thing any successful wife should learn is to regard her husband as a combination Sultan, Oracle, Font of All Wisdom and...year-round Santa

Woman

propriate to you. We all know that masculinity is such a weak, tenuous, pathetic little thing that only

by reducing yourself to a total zero will your husband's fragile ego begin to recover from the savage: drubbing you've been giving it simply by being normal. Always remember, his manhood depends on 1 your abject servility.

Here are several helpful hints and simple exercises: you should practice on the road to Fascinating ‹ Totalhood. One thing to keep in mind is that every, man wants a little girl. So be his little girl. If you're not his little girl, he may go out and find a little girl and thus land himself in jail and bring ruin and disgrace on your family. Man-savage, hairy beast, that he is-is not responsible for his actions. You are.

Pout: Pouting is just one of the cutest and most endearing things a woman can do. It's also childish" and very easy to master. Here's what you do. Sit '

GAZA

THE CONTRARY WOMAN

She's an angel in truth, a demon in fiction. A woman's the greatest of all contradiction; She's afraid of a cockroach, she'll scream at a mouse, But she'll tackle a husband as big as a house. She'll take him for better, she'll take him for worse; She'll split his head open and then be his nurse;

And when he is well and can get out of bed, She'll pick up a teapot and throw at his head. She's faithful, deceitful, keen sighted and blind. She's crafty, she's simple, she's cruel, she's kind. She'll lift a man up, she'll cast a man down. She'll make him her hero, her ruler, her clown. You fancy she's this but you find that she's that, For she'll play like a kitten and fight like a cat. In the morning she will, in the evening she won't. And you're always expecting she will but she won't.

Claus. Now you cannot begin to imagine him as these marvels until you have completely stripped away all those trappings of adulthood which are so inap-

New Male Contraceptive

The newest development in male contraceptives was recently tested on male prostitutes. Called the intrapenal device, or IPD, it is inserted through the head of the penis and pushed into the scrotum with a plunger-like instrument. Occasionally there is a perforation of the scrotum which is disregarded since the male has no sensitivity in this area of his body. No one really knows the long-range effects; but then, who cares?

Common complaints have been severe cramping,

The following "Errata" appeared in the June, 1980 issue:

Please note that last month's issue of WSW-Vol. 7, No. 12-was the May issue, not the June issue as indicated on the cover. We apologize for the confusion. Incidentally, if you haven't noticed, the real June issue (or, rather, the June/July issue) marks the beginning of our 8th year of publication.

On a similar note, WSW will not be publishing a separate July issue so that we can take time to re-examine and replenish ourselves. Please watch for the special August issue.

Page 12/What She Wants?

fil-May. 1983

massive hemorrhaging and green discharge from the head of the penis, which are merely signs that the man's body has not yet adjusted to the "new resident." Hopefully these symptoms will disappear within a year.

IPD's are usually implanted with a string to insure quick removal or for sado-masochistic "play." In cases where the sex partner complained of the string, the string is removed and then the IPD must be taken out surgically.

1. Push inserter into penis 2 inches.

2. Push plunger to release IPD while withdrawing the inserter.

3. With the IPD in place and the inserter withdrawn, the wearer can easily see that the SuperKink is in place by checking the string.

(October, 1977)

before your vanity mirror, incline your head slightly and bat your eyelashes rapidly. Then stick out your lower lip. Don't try flapping it with your index finger yet. That's a technique more easily grasped after years of dedicated vacuity.

Cringe: Stand in front of a full-length mirror. Hunch your shoulders, hang your head but gaze up fearfully. If this doesn't make your husband feel like a big, strong brute, nothing will. Since most humans don't like to cringe, it may be difficult for you at first.... I suggest you terrorize a small dog for a few days. When he sees you coming with the rolled-up newspaper and cowers whimpering in a corner, take note. That's what you should emulate.

Don't Talk, Simper: It is quite possible that your command of the English language poses a severe threat to your husband's masculinity.....So, instead of saying..."Hey, give me a hand with this goddamn window. I can't get it open," put it this way: "Oooooh, poor wittle me is so weak and fwail, I just can't budge this naughty window. Would-ums big stwong man open it fow his wittle girwil?” It is impossible, of course, to simper properly in a normal adult voice. What you want is a squeak or a squeal....

Or Don't Talk At All: When you're not simpering, be quiet....Remember, it is the prerogative of your Lord and Master to decide when he wants to talk to you.

Be Completely Helpless Around Him: No man can feel like a true man if his wife goes around opening jars of pickles or peanut butter all the time. It is a

(continued)

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